NFC 2013 Predictions

Ok folks I'm back.....

Couple weeks ago @KATACLYSMIC13 gave you his AFC predictions. Now where back to bring to the you the NFC Predictions for the 2013 football season.

NFC East
Gnats: 9-7

ShEagles: 9-7

Foreskins: 8-8

Cowboys: 8-8

Full disclosure I am a Cowboys fan. I will never call the other teams in the division by their names, especially those bigoted Foreskin fans. This division is mediocre at best. They all have strengths and they all have weaknesses. NO TEAM IN THIS DIVISION WILL WIN A SUPERBOWL. I repeat NO TEAM IN THIS DIVISION WILL WIN A SUPERBOWL. When the division under achieves The Gnats step up. ShEli has looked pretty average this preseason, their defense is going through a transition, but they have a strong run game. And that is the only reason why they get my nod to win the division.  Second disclosure: I love Chip Kelly; Oregon is my favorite College team. I think the ShEagles will score tons of points. IF Mike Vick can stay healthy he will be the MVP (lock it in) and Shady McCoy will lead the league in rushing (sorry AP, go get another bionic knee). Why this team will only win 9 games and miss the playoffs. Their defense will be as competitive as a one legged man in an a@# kicking contest. Legarrette Blount went Gale Sayers on them. They need another year. The Foreskins will disappoint and I will love ever f@#!ing second of it. Spoiler Alert RG3 will get hurt again.(aka Mr. Stanky leg)  The Shanahan’s do not care about him and will run him in the dirt like Jeff Fisher did Steve McNair.

All I can say about the Cowboys is I HATE (I really do HATE) Jason Garrett. I hated him as an OC and Hate him more as a Head Coach. I like Bill Callahan’s play calling in the preseason.  I fully support an offense that does not allow Romo to throw the ball more than 20 times.

NFC North
Packers: 10-6

Vikings: 9-7

Lions: 6-10

Bears: 5-11

Why will the Packers win the NFC North…Aaron Rodgers. Pretty simple the Best QB in the league, mediocre to good weapons. And be on the look out world for Fat A@# Eddie Lacy, he is really good. Their defense will be putrid again, but Rodgers will make up the difference. The Vikings have Ponder at QB. Even with AP they are lucky to win 9 games. The Vikings have an improved defense from last year. They have more offensive weapons that Ponder can under throw. And they still have Leslie Frazier who is an underappreciated coach. The Lions….The Lions. The Lions pass defense is praying that the best front 4 sacks the qb. Because if that does not happen the secondary will not stop a soul from passing the ball. Completing a pass against the Lions will be easier than handing the ball off to the running back. Yep it’s that bad, but their offense is worse. Matthew Stafford will throw 80% of his passes to Megatron, who will break records, the other 20% will be dump-offs to Reggie Bush. And that’s it. That’s why they will lose. F@!# the Bears. Firing Lovie Smith after winning ten games with a team that refuses to protect their qb is classless. If next year’s draft class wasn’t so stacked I’d wish they lose every game, but since the class is stacked I hope they win just enough games to see every immediate impact player drafted just ahead of them. F@!# DA BEARS.

NFC South
Saints: 11-5

Falcons: 9-7

Panthers: 8-8

Bucs: 6-10

 The Saints defense was just turrible.(In my Charles Barkley voice)  So bad I’m confident the living members of the ’72 Dolphins could’ve looked like the ’72 Dolphins against the Saints defense. But I think their defense will be anywhere from average to bad, which is all Sean Payton needs to direct Drew Brees into winning this division. Watch out for Kenny Vaccaro, impact player in the making. The Falcons will take two steps back. (Yeah I said it). On paper the best offense will underperform, too many options for Matt Ryan. How he and Romo convinced their owners to cough up a hundred million dollars after winning only ONE playoff game on loaded teams is behind me. F!@# you Jerry Jones!!!!! Killa Cam will lead a poorly managed Panthers team to a .500 record. The Panthers front seven is exceptionally good, but their secondary leaves a lot to be desired. Cam has no offensive weapons outside of 5’9 Steve Smith. That is the reason why their .500 should be celebrated. The Bucs will win no more than six games. Josh Freeman will do Josh Freeman things like throw three touchdowns one week and throw four interceptions the next. Schiano will run Doug martin into the ground and the part I will love best: The overrated Revis will be torched week in and week out.

NFC West
Seahawks: 11-5

Rams: 10-6

49ers: 9-7

Cardinals: 8-8

Seahawks will dominate on both sides of the ball. There Adderalled filled defense will manhandle opposing offenses. Marshawn will go full Beast Mode, and who is smoother than Russell Wilson (go Hawks).  I know a lot of people hate Pete Carroll I have always been a fan. I think this will be one of the few teams in history to actually meet expectations. The team to finish second in this division is the team that did not lose a division game last year. The Rams have built a young defense to be reckoned with. I question their offensive ability, but I think it will be enough to edge out some low scoring games. The 49ers will take a step back. The loser of the Superbowl always does. I question the niners secondary, but the biggest question I have is Kapernick. We all like to pretend that he is on the same level as Luck, Bob3, Russell Wilson, and Cam. I don’t think he is. The niners are a run first team; Kap had a lot of trouble reading defenses last year. Time management and wasted timeouts because he couldn’t adjust to what the defense was throwing. I expect reality to set in, but regardless of kap’s short comings the niners can run on any team in the league and stop the run. That’s good for a middle of the road record. The Cardinals will improve, but they must find a run game. Arians loves the deep ball, so I see the cardinals picking up a speedster in the future. Plus for all the ignorant people who said “honey Badger is a lock down Corner” have two teaspoons of STFU. And congratulate that man when he wins defensive rookie of the year playing safety like I told you.